So You Want to Write a Food Blog? Snarky (and smug) suggestions from an avid blog reader and food lover

1. Know your shit.

I’m not saying you need to have attended culinary school to have a successful food blog. But at least GENERALLY know what you’re talking about. Fact check. Don’t pretend to be an authority if you aren’t. And if you are going to assume a holier-than-thou attitude about how, say, you lived in Europe and are therefore are an expert on pastry…make sure you know the difference between a macaroon and a macaron.

2. Be judicious in what you write about

If the main focus of your food blog is to review restaurants, it makes you look amateurish to write about that new, fancy schmancy place one day and the next write about Chili’s. How is anyone supposed to take your opinions seriously if you put the same effort and gravity into reviewing braised veal with black truffle vinaigrette topped with wild pea shoots and a Bloomin’ Onion?

3. Photographs are everything

If you take bad photos, I probably won’t read your blog. It’s just true. When there are a million and half beautiful, thoughtful, informative food blogs out there, I see no reason to spend time reading one with mediocre photographs. Tied to this:

3a. Limit your use of Instagram

Lord knows I love (and probably abuse) Instagram. It certainly is convenient and all those nifty filters can trick even the most average photographers into thinking they have skills. But Instagram filters have a tendency to make food look dull, artificial, unnatural, or flat. Camera phones these days can take some gorgeous photographs; they don’t all need to be “spiffed up” with artsy filters.

3b. 95% of the time it is a bad idea to include photos of raw meat

I’ve seen some great shots of a red, marbled steak. But otherwise, I don’t want to see uncooked meat. It’s just terribly unappetizing. A photo of something pink, slimy, and cold does not scream “oh, how delicious, I must make that dish.” It would take the very best photographer to make raw chicken look anything less than revolting.

3c. Bad food porn is unacceptable

It is surprisingly easy to make food look like vomit. A food photograph that is too zoomed-in or cropped too close can often end up making the subject look like diarrhea. Using the flash is another easy way to make food look unappealing. When taking photos of food, natural light and a good angle/distance are your friends.

4. Choose your words wisely

Don’t use big words just for the sake of using big words. Food writing can so easily lapse into being flowery and overwrought if the author is not careful. Food is something that does lend itself to beautiful words. Plump, brackish, fluffy, juicy, drizzle, succulent, piquant…yes, these are lovely. But it should not be your goal to see how many fancy words you can cram into one sentence. Edit.

And alternatively, limit your use of silly, vapid food words. Yummy, nom nom nom, amazeballs, tasty…using these makes you sound like you are twelve.

Oh, and never ever (ever) use the word poop in your food blog. That’s just foul.